12 Things Men Should Do, But Don't
By Everett Meyer
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7. Engage in foreplay
Women love it, but most men consider it "beating around the bush," literally. It's hard to see why, really. I mean, most of us love lingerie, and we can enjoy teasing, touching, role-playing and licking, but somehow we're still obsessed with just getting things done.
Why we don't: The equipment is there for a reason, so why postpone the inevitable? I mean, how many appetizers can you sample before the main course? This is especially true for those nights when you're tired, and all you want to do is get on with the show.
Why we should: If we indulged in more foreplay and took the time to get our women revved up, the ultimate result would be that much sweeter.
8. Throw away old belongings.
Every man has a favorite shirt, hat or pair of shoes. These are always difficult to part with, as it's easy to believe that "there's still some life left in it." But why do we keep all those old baseball cards? Or the ticket to every single concert we've ever attended? What about those Mad magazine receipts from 1987? These are all examples of old, unnecessary things that we should really learn to just throw away .
Why we don't: When our official biographer turns up, all of our junk will be considered priceless. And what if one day, probably the day after we throw it out, we really need that old copy of TV Guide with Bob Saget on the cover?
Why we should: Most of the useless crap we hoard does little besides collect dust and take up potentially useful space.
9. Watch less TV.
Even if the first thing you want to do when you get home is plop yourself down on the couch and zone out in front of the TV, think of how many other things you could do if you watched less of it. You could, for example, get the exercise you always talk about or even read a book. These might not sound like thrilling alternatives, but really, how many times do you need to watch the West Coast Customs guys install an X-box in the back of a car on Pimp My Ride ?
Why we don't: No matter how slim the pickings, most of us have an undying hope that we will find something great on. In fact, no matter how awful, we know that with time, we'll find a game, movie or show worth watching.
Why we should: With so much crappy reality programming these days (think Trading Spouses , Extreme Makeover and The Real Gilligan's Island ), watching a lot of television can truly feel wasteful. This is especially true in the summer, when reruns rule the day and warmer weather calls for more outings.
10. Check the expiry dates on food.
Are you afraid of opening your fridge door? If so, you're not alone. That awful rotting smell you fear is something common to many men's refrigerators. And while a lot of that has to do with our laziness in clearing out old food, the problem starts earlier. Many of us never bother to check the expiration dates when shopping for products like cheese, milk, juice, and meat.
Why we don't: Because grocery shopping, like doing the laundry, is often a royal pain the ass, we're often speeding through it and unfocused. It also doesn't help that most of us are preoccupied with the idea of picking up women at the supermarket.
Why we should: Staving off food poisoning and salmonella wouldn't hurt anyone. And we might save some money if we stopped throwing out half the contents of our fridge two days after we bought it.
11. Leave household plumbing and electrical work to professionals.
Would you trust yourself to remove your appendix? Then why do you think you can rewire your home? Sure, that leaky faucet or faulty fuse box looks easy to fiddle with and repair, and yes, it's your house, but honestly, what the hell do you know about these things? Let's face it: Most of us regular Joes are not Bob Villa, and even though it hurts more than anything to have to call in another man to do the job, leaving it to the pros is something we should all do.
Why we don't: Like territorial animals, most of us have a hard time watching another man fixing our problems and having all the fun involved, too.
Why we should: Nothing kills a weekend like flooding the basement, except maybe electrocution. For the safety of your family and your home, you should let the experts take care of any problems that arise.
12. Not be mesmerized by big breasts.
At this point in our lives, the sight of big breasts should not be such a big deal. I mean, let's face it: even excluding personal experience (for some, big breast sightings might have been bountiful), most men have been inundated with images of breasts. So what's the big deal? You'd think that by now, we'd be so used to it that it would barely register. I mean, why does the sight of large squeezers completely paralyze us, even for that brief moment?
Why we don't: Because they're breasts and they're big... a certain respect is due, after all, especially when you consider how often we daydream about them.
Why we should: Even smaller breasts deserve attention. And frankly, the power large breasts hold over us is starting to give men a bad name. Remember, in the battle of the sexes, we must reveal no weaknesses.
Certainly every man has his own list of things he thinks he should do, but for some reason, doesn't. The important thing is to discover a way to get these done on a regular basis, and hopefully without resorting to marriage.
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